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Meditation Coach Journal – Aligning With New Possibilities

Chapter 5 Meditation Coach Journal by Kia McClain

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CHAPTER 5 – ALIGNING WITH NEW POSSIBILITIES

When you hold a space of positive enthusiasm for what no longer works for you, this does not mean that it has to be done overnight, or without feelings attached. It is okay to feel. Feeling lonely, sad, upset, angry, and other emotions that let us know we are human beings is normal. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t feel good when we feel like we are losing something. Isn’t it funny how we hold on to things that we have outgrown, letting go is a process!

We keep special toys, shoes, and outfits that we know we likely will never wear again. If we become that attached to the little things, imagine how hard it is to let go of a whole person or place. Just like that outfit that we can no longer wear, we try a million different things to figure out how to make people, things, and places fit again!

When you mix these instincts with negative memories, the feeling you need to hold on intensifies all the more, if you feel no resolution has been reached in the situation. You second guess the situation, and reanalyze it over, and over again. You just want things to change back the way they were, but before that can happen, some type of resolution, an apology, or something must happen to justify continuing the relationship.

That something is a boundary. A boundary is a healthy way of dealing with conflict. A boundary addresses the exact issue head-on and voices any concerns about behavior or incidents that do not make you comfortable or does not make someone else comfortable. A boundary can only be formed and accepted in an environment where truth, transparency, and honesty exists.

An example of a boundary includes, I am not available on the weekends. Weekends are family time, I cannot attend your event, meeting, or whatever you would like me to attend without advanced notice, and planning. I can be flexible if there is nothing going on with my family at that time. Most people respect healthy boundaries without any issues, however, when you are in a controlling, or unhealthy relationship, boundaries tend to anger other people.

In the previous exercise, you created healthy boundaries to ensure healthy relationships, but what happens when your boundaries aren’t respected, or you overstep the boundaries of others? These matters can become complicated very quickly, and become very emotional. This is especially true when one doesn’t have a healthy relationship with self.

This is where society often trips everyone up. Instead of looking inward for the solution to overstepped boundaries, we are taught to respond in fear. “OMG, that friend you have had for years suddenly disagrees with you?? Friends never, ever, disagree with each other. They are supposed to be on the same page at all times, and they should be a carbon copy of you.” The truth is, having people who disagree with you and challenge you in healthy ways is very important for your growth and development.

It teaches you, to accept opinions that differ from your own. It also teaches you, that you don’t know everything, and where you immerse yourself in a variety of different opinions, is where you will learn the most. This is not to say everybody’s opinion is correct, but the way people respond to you, and the things you do, and say, give you quite a bit of insight about them, and yourself as well.

Society has put a toxic spin on differing opinions. People who don’t see it the same way that you do, are somehow against you. They are trying to harm you. Therefore, we are taught we have to “prove we are right”.  You must become fearful and defensive, vs asking more questions and having conversations, so that you can better understand the when, what, why, where, and how behind their responses, or actions. Instead, we are taught the best thing to do is to immediately begin jumping to conclusions. The current state of our political system strongly reflects this sentiment and thought process.

However, when we eliminate fear from our responses, we stand in our true power! Our society has transformed the reaction of fear into a monster that eats our dreams and hopes alive. There are times when fear is appropriate, for example, someone is harming you, you are being threatened, and you don’t feel safe. Fear triggers your fight or flight response, as well as a number of chemical responses, that allow a mother the strength to lift a car to save her child, and more.

The question to ask yourself is, what happens to all the energy and chemicals when they are created unnecessarily. Essentially, your brain reverts back to an unevolved state known as “survival mode”.  Your brain’s main function is now stripped down to Maslow’s basic survival needs, air, water, sleep, safety, food, clothing, and shelter until the perceived danger has passed.

These are the very limited options that we give ourselves every single time we respond in fear of disappointment or stress.  In this state of mind, your imagination runs wild with scenarios of what could go wrong, and how you should prepare.  We have all met people who seem to have a problem for every solution. Somehow, something will go wrong, so they need to be prepared, and keep the worst-case scenario at the front of their mind. The fight or flight response is only meant to stay active for about an hour, to allow you the hormones you need to get to safety and survive. 

Unfortunately, there are people who live in the fight or flight mode. This takes a great toll on your body, mind, and spirit. The long term effect of the chemical reactions caused by survival mode on your body often leads to disease or health problems.

In order to align with new possibilities, or even be able to perceive that they exist, you need to be able to use the logical and creative part of your brain. Under duress, you are physically unable to! Take a close look at the overall behavior of the masses in America and you can see, very clearly, there are millions of people living in survival mode, day in, and day out.

You are always thinking about the next bill, the next meal, the next plan, and everything you need to do to get through the day, or week.  There is no room to be spontaneous, the only thing that matters is taking care of business. Relaxing, and most of all, practicing balance, takes a back seat to survival.  This is one of the many consequences of living out of alignment.

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles mind, body, and spirit that you will defeat. This also highlights the importance of filtering what thoughts, feelings, and emotions you allow to linger. People don’t begin living in survival mode overnight, it is a process of being unable to release trauma, negativity, and most often unforgiveness.

If you have anyone in your life that you have not forgiven, the next time you see them or think about them, I want you to pay close attention to what your body does. In fact, as you thought about that person, or people, just now, did you notice that your heart started beating a little faster, your breathing became heavier, and your body became tense? Relax your shoulders, loosen your jaw, and breathe deeply.

Not many people draw the correlation between unforgiveness and the fight, or flight response. They boil in bitterness, the entire holiday season, every year, as they see family, old friends, and enemies that trigger memories of anger, turmoil, and even feuds. As we approach what is, for many people, the most unhappy time of the year, anxiety for many has already begun. By the time the new year begins they have all kinds of physical and mental symptoms.

So what is the solution to this issue? Honesty and truth. When you are honest with yourself, you can begin to remove the layers of what caused you to live in unforgiveness. Honesty and truth allow you to get to the bottom of why you are upset, and opens your mind to resolution.

It is never too late to have a conversation, and try to make peace. Some people will never admit that they are wrong, and that is okay. Dedicating yourself to breaking the cycle of toxic behavior, feelings, and emotions will render you free when you release the person, people, and situations. Take your energy back from the situation.

Unforgiveness is one of the biggest obstacles to overcome when aligning with possibilities. I will not say that the work is easy, or even simple, it can take hard work to remove all the layers and get to the core of the issues that you have with people, or self.

Forgiving is one of the pinnacle parts of inner work, because not only do you need to forgive others, you need to forgive yourself as well. To be able to forgive means that you are living in your highest level of freedom, possibilities, and overall wholeness.

CHAPTER 5 JOURNAL WRITING EXERCISE

Forgiven and Free Writing Exercise – Reflection and Realization

Forgiving yourself and others create a major shift of energy in your life. Have you noticed a pattern of the same type of people, that cause the same type of issues in your life? Have you noticed you tend to end up in the same types of unpleasant situations over and over again, and you feel like you are constantly frustrated? Are you struggling with mistakes that you have made in your past, and you feel like you are being haunted by the issues that you caused for yourself or other people? It is time to let these things go so you can open yourself up to new and better experiences. It is time to write affirmations that take the power away from the negativity being generated by unforgiveness. Below you will find a template to help empower you.

I forgive me for being unforgiving to myself, and others, I acknowledge the role I played in these situations and moving forward I will: (state positive affirmations about situations you are releasing)

I apologize to me for not allowing myself space, the time, and the mindset to heal properly, I vow to treat myself kindly, and be patient with myself by doing:

I apologize to others for withholding grace and understanding (state positive affirmations regarding others and keeping your peace and energy) Example: I grant others freedom from my judgment and opinions, I respect their God-given free will to choose their life path, even if I don’t agree with their choices.

I am thankful for every person, place, and situation that has put me into the position to learn how to forgive, and how to give myself, and others grace. This experience has taught me:

Do not focus on anything negative, this is the time to turn any negatives into positives, and what you want to see occur in your life!

I am free to enjoy (affirmations): Example: I am free to enjoy quality decisions that increase my peace, happiness, well-being, love, beautiful relationships, and grace for myself and others.

Do not focus on anything negative, this is the time to turn any negatives into positives, and what you want to see occur in your life!

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Written by Kia McClain

Kia McClain is the retired owner of award-winning, digital agency Shenomenon, after a 15-year career in the digital space. Today, Kia is the founder of MindfulCasted.com, an integrative experience of an online platform with A.I. based, digital tools and apps designed for mindfulness and meditation, well-being rooms designed as a journaling and meditation lounge, and an astrology school for beginners, by way of journaling. As a retired growth hacker, Kia’s new mission in life is to help people to growth hack themselves via education, astrology, digital tools, mindfulness, meditation, and energy healing.

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