CHAPTER 4 – FALLING OUT OF ALIGNMENT
This journey to evolution is getting exciting now. As you stop identifying with old mindsets, habits, places, and people you may notice a few relationships take a sudden turn that you did not necessarily see coming. Within these relationships, places, and things that unravel in your life, you will get the opportunity to identify that you have blind spots in life and truth!
You will find yourself pretty quickly shedding layers of pretense, and those who comfortably pretended with you. One of the first places that fell into shambles during this transition was anywhere I was always “busy”. Being busy is nothing more than an excuse not to deal with things in a healthy manner, that need to be confronted.
Being busy kept me from evaluating exactly where I was in life, and why I was there. Being busy allowed me an excuse to ignore red flags when I saw them. Being busy allowed me to avoid having conversations that were needed. Being busy allowed me to avoid people, places, and things that I didn’t want to deal with. But most of all, being busy allowed me to avoid having honest conversations with myself.
There is nothing like, constantly having something to do, or think about, to get out of doing anything you don’t want to do. Being busy is one of the most comfortable plateaus for people because they can appear to be making progress, without actually putting in 100% effort. Being busy allows people to focus on trivial details, rather than the meat of the work ahead, and a viable plan to get it done.
The plan to stall with an ultra-busy schedule does not allow for efficiency, goals that make sense, nor a real plan for forward progress. The light bulbs are going off for some of you right now, when you realize why your “one and done ideas” have been rejected time, and time again, by people who seem to be on a long road to nowhere. Some of you are frustrated because you are part of someone’s cover story to avoid dealing with life, and self.
It is essential to know when a season has ended, and when a relationship, person, place, or thing is no longer serving you to your highest good. This is not a statement of arrogance, it is a statement of necessity. You have already seen the effect of living an unbalanced life. Living a balanced life requires intention.
Keeping this in mind about yourself, and others allow you to create the building blocks of grace. We have all seen and experienced the moment when a surprising resignation is submitted by one of the most successful people in their industry, often at the height of success.
People have built world-renown companies, while unhappy the entire time that they did it. They simply could not bear it anymore.
Sometimes, this does not make for a great experience for the people who worked for them, or with them. At the very least, it makes for an awkward flow of energy from the leader. Would you want to work for someone who isn’t doing what they love?
How much is giving up your dreams and the life you really want to live worth to you? $1 billion? $10 billion? While this may seem ludicrous, people name their prices every day. For example one may say, I am in this marriage that is not violent, or harmful, but doesn’t light my soul, for the sake of the children. I wanted to make a clear distinction that abuse is never okay, and there is no reason for staying in a relationship like that.
I am still in this partnership doing everything that I don’t like doing because I put too many years into it to simply walk away empty-handed. I am still working for this company because I am 5 years away from retirement. I have earned my retirement benefits, and I will spend every last second of those 5 years, to ensure that I get every penny of what I deserve. I am staying for what I have earned, or feel I deserve!
I can’t quit my job, I make too much money, and I have to pay off all these loans, I have too many bills. What job can I get that pays me this well by tomorrow? What am I supposed to do, quit, file for bankruptcy, and give all the stuff back?
This last statement, in particular, resonates with me, because this is exactly my current path. If we can’t sell our second home we are giving it back to the bank. We are currently shedding all the stuff we thought we wanted or needed to be fulfilled. Thankfully, our home is under contract and we will be closing soon.
I went on leave at the beginning of 2019, because of a medical emergency with a family member we were caring for. Rather than twiddle my thumbs, I took initiative to pursue my ideas for a wellness company, that I ignored because I made the majority of my money and my name in tech. I lived a very comfortable life in a two-income family, both of us working in technology.
After months on leave, the most important thing to me became leaping out of bed every morning, excited about what each new day held. I couldn’t bear to go back and be in business part-time, so I resigned the day I was supposed to return to work! At the end of the day, we are all human, and I want to remind you that the person you cannot stand at your job, is more than likely one of the most unhappy souls, doing all the things that they don’t really want to do, because they are “good at it”, or it makes a lot of money.
When you take all of the emotion out of the scenario, we all would behave the same way! Give and accept grace freely and tenderly!
CHAPTER 4 JOURNAL WRITING EXERCISE
Release and Grace Writing Exercise – Reflection and Realization
Falling out of alignment with people, places, and things can be very sudden and challenging, especially when you have invested years, time, energy, resources, heart, and soul into them. It is important to remember, that while the ties feel strong when you are living in bondage, one single day of living free, and most of all feeling free, is life-changing!
With that said, the people, places, and things that you fall out of alignment with are not necessarily bad. With maturity comes the understanding that you can’t control anyone, and you cannot force people to grow, nor can you force them to want a better experience for their lives. Sometimes, you just have to live and let live. Holding space for other people eliminates room for a toxic environment to be created. While they may not agree with your decision to move on, you are not obligated to entertain their negative energy.
Where are the parallels that you can easily use in your own life that may explain the behavior you are observing from others? Is that person really mean, or are they hurt? Are they really controlling, or are they dealing with self-esteem issues? Are they really ignoring you, or are they just bored? Looking at our own behavior can teach us a lot about other people, and why they do the things that they do. Though we are all individually different, there are some parallels of behavior that tend to be the same across the board.
How often have you passed on a great opportunity simply because your heart wasn’t in it? For example, there was a time that I had a chance to go overseas and rub shoulders with entrepreneurs, and other important people from all over the globe. This opportunity came under something that I wasn’t passionate about anymore. While it was a great opportunity for me to be seen and heard, and make great connections, it would have been under the guise of occupation I no longer wanted to engage in. If the same opportunity happened today, I would do everything in my power to take advantage of that opportunity, because now I am living my dream. I would be introducing myself and the company that I love, I would be authentic and comfortable to project the person that I want people to know!
When was the last time you came down on someone for not “appreciating” an opportunity that you felt would be perfect for them? How would you feel if someone did the same to you without first asking if you were interested? Grace is about so much more than simply graciously letting relationships go, it is about living in a way that allows people to feel they have the freedom to be themselves and make their own decisions without your judgment. Grant the same permission that you have given yourself to others. So often “wrongdoing” is focused on when it comes to conversations about grace. Grace is a daily skill that we should use not only for ourselves but for others too. There is a reason grace and understanding are so often coupled together in speech. I understand, and therefore, I am extending grace to you.
What are the things, places, and people that you can think of, that may no longer fit with who you are at your core? You know, those people, places, and things you feel misaligned with. The places where you no longer feel like you fit in. The awkward moment when you realize you no longer have anything to talk about with certain people. Those moments when you no longer feel at peace with certain people, because of how they respond to situations, people, and places. First, think of affirming ways that you can set boundaries so that you can continue the relationship. Then think of affirming ways that you can end relationships with these people, places, and things with grace for yourself, and grace for others too. Then decide which possibility best fits your situation.